Naruto Faerie Tayles!
by KiriNoMiko
Summary: A selection of oneshots, Romance because that's pretty much what fairy tales are! It'll be a whole selection of pairings, some Yaoi some Het.
1. Snow White Sasuke

**DISCLAIMER: **I own neither Naruto nor Snow White

**WARNINGS:** Slight OOCness and mild Yaoi /Slash /Shonen ai

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**S** n o w **W **h i t e **S** a s u k e **A** n d **T **h e **S** e v e n **D** w a r v e n **N** a r u t o s

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Once upon a time in a far away land, there lived a beautiful princess by the name of Uchiha Sasuke. His skin was as white as snow, his hair as black as ebony and - after having indulged in his favourite snack of tomatoes - his lips were as red as blood.

But Snow White Sasuke wasn't happy for his evil brother Itachi kept him as a slave. He spent all day long scrubbing and cleaning for his evil witch-queen of an older brother, with never any chance of escape.

But one day all this changed . . .

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** Itachi's Tower **

"Mirror mirror on the wall who's the fairest of us all?" Itachi cooed to his precious oval of magical glass.

"Queen thou art fairest here I hold, but Sasuke is fairer a thousand fold" This, not being the answer Itachi was expecting, caused him to turn his pretty face back to the mirror

"What?" he asked the mirror in a dangerously quiet voice "That's impossible! I'm the pretty one. Me. Uchiha Itachi . . . ME!!!"

The mirror held it's tongue, wisely, it turned out as Itachi chose that moment for a rage induced killing spree.

**

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Sasuke's Room 

Sasuke ignored the screams coming from the rest of the castle, simply admiring his new hairdo in his own, cracked mirror.

_Damn I bet I look better than Itachi right now_ he thought to himself, and pouted quickly before anyone could see him.

How little he knew . . .

**

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Itachi's Tower

"Huntsman!" Itachi called in a monotone - not betraying the rage he felt inside - and a spandex clad young man bounded into the room.

"Yes your youthful highness?" he asked energetically, wilting somewhat under Itachi's cold stare.

"I want you to take Snow White Sasuke into the woods. I want you to kill him and I want you to bring me back his lungs and liver as proof he is dead.

"As you wish your youthful highness!" Huntsman Lee replied and fled the room at top speed.

**

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In the Forest 

"Where are you taking me?" demanded Sasuke as the huntsman led him deeper and deeper into the woods.

The huntsman stopped and turned to Sasuke, knife in hand. However as he advanced upon Sasuke with his new and beautiful haircut, he faltered and fell to the ground in overdramatic tears.

"I cannot do it!" he cried "you still have such youth and beauty. Run Sasuke, as far as you can from your brother, and take this youthful squirrel as your guide!"

Sasuke, taking this perfect opportunity to escape from the strange green huntsman, tuned and sprinted as fast as he could away from him, the squirrel clinging for dear life onto his skirts.

The huntsman, on his way home, took a visit to the Sabaku no Abattoir and picked up the lungs and liver of a recent woolly victim of Gaara's to take home to Itachi.

As Sasuke wandered through the forest, cursing occasionally as his dress was caught on a tree, and wondering where he was actually going (the squirrel had deserted him a while ago now) he wondered whether if he looked pretty enough someone would come and rescue him.

"Well hello gorgeous". From out of the forest came a slim and very vocal pig.

"Did you just . . ?"

"Sure did. So what brings you here then?"

"Ugh. Troublesome." A deer appeared from across the clearing and Sasuke tried very hard not to stare.

"Shut it Shikamaru" the pig snapped at him

"Troublesome Ino" muttered the deer rolling his eyes.

But before the two of them could start bickering, two Wolves jumped out at Sasuke from behind. Their reward was a swift and painful kick in the face.

"Say hello to Kiba and Akamaru" the deer muttered again, nursing a large bruise on his head.

"Hn" was the raven's only reply, and after a few minutes of ignoring Ino the pig, three new woodland beasties appeared. One fluffy bunny was introduced by Kiba and Akamaru as Hinata, a large bug was Shino and finally there was Chouji the giant butterfly.

A long while later, the very un-sweet, un-cute and un-cuddly (bar Hinata the bunny) woodland animals had un-helpfully led Snow White Sasuke to a little wooden house in a small valley on the outskirts of the forest and told him to wait there for . . .

Something.

Never having been one to follow other people's instructions, Sasuke headed straight inside and immediately fell face-first across seven tiny beds.

Unable to move his weary bones from the tiny but cushy beds, Sasuke fell so deeply asleep that he did not hear the multiple calls of "Dattebayo!" that echoed around the valley. Nor did he notice the severe prodding and poking he was receiving from seven small, identical blondes dressed all in orange, with little pointed hats in the same terrifying hue, who seemed utterly bewildered by the strange - but undeniably gorgeous – male princess sleeping on _their_ beds in _their_ house.

However when one of the dwarven Narutos hit him particularly hard over the head, he did awake, and was faced with explaining his situation to the seven stubborn blonde dwarves. Once the dwarves had listened to Snow White Sasuke's tragic and melodramatic story, unsuccessfully attempting to cover up their tears, they agreed to let the raven stay, so long as he promised to look after the house and to cook and clean for them. Sasuke grudgingly agreed.

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Itachi's Tower 

Having happily devoured the lungs and liver of what Itachi believed to be his foolish little brother, Itachi returned to the mirror asking:

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of us all?"

"The fairest in the land can be found over the hills and far away, he is your little brother Sasuke." The mirror replied

The insane shrieking that echoed throughout the castle lasted rather longer than the previous time and so when Itachi called for his servant Orochimaru, the pale man ran straight to his side without question – the pretty queen did not need angering any further.

"You called master?" Orochimaru's silky voice inquired

"I want Sasuke dead"

"Such a waste" he murmured "But I shall do as my liege commands!" he added hurriedly, not even Orochimaru could last long under Itachi's cold glare.

"You many keep what is left of him" Itachi conceded with a malicious glint in his eye.

Orochimaru took the time to back out of the room _very_ slowly, never taking his eye off the seething madman, before turning and running off to find his favourite disguise and capture his Sasuke-kun.

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The Dwarves Cottage 

Sasuke was happy, though he would never let the dwarves know it, and he was content to spend the rest of his life with the seven blonde dobes.

One day, however, a few weeks after his escape from the strange green huntsman, Sasuke awoke to a knock on the door. He had been told by the seven Narutos never to answer the door to a stranger, but this particular stranger was wielding a basket of the most delicious-looking tomatoes he had ever seen.

And so, ignoring the stranger's somewhat creepy appearance, he let the man in.

"So then child, how would you like to taste the . . . TOMATO OF ULTIMATE POWER? Guaranteed to make you the prettiest in all of Konoha"

_Prettier than Itachi?_ Sasuke thought to himself, wide eyed inside

His fingers twitched desperately, attempting to get hold of this incredible TOMATO OF ULTIMTE POWER. His fingers were under control. Unfortunately the rest of his body was caught in a "mysterious" spasm, and so Sasuke lunged forwards, taking a bite out of the delicious looking tomato.

As he chewed on the delightful object, his heart began to feel tight and he heard cackling from the corner of the room

"Oh my beautiful Sasukekins" Orochimaru crowed "Only the kiss of your most loved can save you now." He bent over the fallen princess, eyeing him hungrily.

"Dattebayo!"

"Tebayo!"

"Dattebayo!" The chorus of Naruto voices were close within range and echoing once more around the valley.

"Drat! They're home" cursed Orochimaru, dropping Sasuke's limp body and fleeing back to Itachi as fast as he could.

**

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Itachi's Tower 

"Mirror mirror on the wall" Itachi asked for the final time before he broke the precious object. "Who is the fairest of us all?"

"Oh queen" the mirror replied "Snow White Sasuke lays dead and cold, now you are the fairest in the world."

Something vaguely resembling a smile flickered over Itachi's face, and the spirit trapped within the mirror shuddered.

**

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The Dwarves Cottage 

"Teme!" cried the dwarves as they saw their beloved princess lying cold on the floor.

No amount of prodding and poking could wake him up this time. Not even a sharp bash across the head from the most violent of the Narutos, followed by a sharp tap from the rest of them did any good.

Even after the thorough beating awarded by his seven blonde companions, Sasuke was still too beautiful to be buried, and so the dwarves created a sparkling glass casket to place him in.

They filled it with fresh flowers every day, and invited the woodland creatures to join them in their mourning for the beautiful Sasuke. The dwarves would mutter something along the lines of

"Bakka teme"

And:

"I really hated you" every now and then, but otherwise they remained in a state of silence.

Soon enough however a handsome grey haired prince from another land came by and spied the beautiful Sasuke.

"Well, well" he murmured "what do we have here? This looks like it's way out of your league" Prince Kakashi informed the dwarves, reaching into the casket for his prize.

Before the seven Narutos had a chance to even protest however, the pink haired Prince Sakura cam riding into view on her magically sparkling pony.

"I will claim Sasuke's first kiss!" she declared boldly, attempting to seize Sasuke from prince Kakashi, as the seven little Narutos ran around their feet yelling.

During all the commotion, the still unconscious Sasuke was dropped. He fell almost in slow motion, coming closer and closer to making contact with the ground until . . .

He landed on something soft.

Sasuke's eyes flickered open to see that he had fallen right on top of one of the seven Narutos and . . . their lips had met! Sasuke turned as red as the poisoned tomato.

"You!" he yelled, grabbing the offending dwarf by the collar of his hideously coloured jacket and thinking back to what Orochimaru had said, "do you love me the most?"

"W-what!? No way Sasuke teme! It was an accident!" the miniature Naruto yelled back.

Sakura sat crying in the background – sobbing over not having been the one to take Sasuke's first kiss – and being comforted by a particularly over-friendly Kakashi.

"Accident hn?" asked Sasuke "Fine! Then I'm leaving for Orochimaru!"

**

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Orochimaru's Layer 

"ACHOO!" the offending sneeze resounded around the dank halls of a certain someone's layer.

"Bless you Orochimaru-sama"

"Thank you Kabuto"

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The Dwarves Cottage 

"Wait teme!" cried one Naruto and Sasuke stopped, dropping his skirts "you . . . uh . . . you're always welcome at our . . . uhm . . . our house" he muttered holding his hat in his hands self-consciously "cuz . . . uh . . . you do a really good job cleaning, and, and – "

"Hn" Sasuke replied and hitched up his skirts again

"And we love you!" yelled another Naruto, eyes closed as he blushed furiously

"What?" Sasuke demanded

"C'mon Sasuke, don't make us say it again" yet another muttered and Sasuke's heart (leastways, what was left of it) melted enough for him to ditch his pride.

"I'll stay" he whispered, turning slightly.

Seconds later he was engulfed in a pile of tiny Narutos, who were delivering lots of tiny kisses as Kakashi and Sakura rose off into the sunset on Prince Sakura's sparkling steed.

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Epilogue 

So Sasuke stayed with the Narutos.

He had seven kisses good morning,

And seven kisses good night.

Seven sets of dinnerware to put out,

Seven sets of clothes to wash,

And seven meals to prepare.

It was too much, even for the stoic Sasuke.

"Can't you all just meld into one person!" he yelled as they got under his feet again

"well of course we can teme!" said one Naruto and in a puff of smoke there was but one tall, blonde, orange-clad youth and six of the seven hats fell to the ground. "What's up Sasuke?" the single Naruto asked, and Sasuke noiselessly motioned the fact that Naruto now stood a head taller than him "Yeah, well" he muttered rubbing the back of his head self-conciously, "It makes me shorter, but it's worth it if I'm not lonely by myself, right?" he laughed to himself "right Sasuke? Oi! Sasuke!?"

There was no answer, for Snow White Sasuke had collapsed.

And Itachi? Well Itachi got so mad when he found out his little brother was alive and still better looking than him, that he shrieked louder and longer than he ever had before. Unfortunately for him the shriek was so highly pitched that iot shattered his precious mirror.

As it broke into a thousand shards, one such sliver flew right out at Itachi and pierced him through the heart, killing him instantly.

And so, to end with the cliché of all clichés: They Lived Happily Ever After!

**T **h e **E **n d.

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I personally think Itachi's the hot one, but oh well. It worked better for this story. I actually based the story on a doujinshi I saw, which was similar. But obviously I twisted and changed the story a fair amount, switching characters and stuff. Anyways, I lost the link, so I can't give it to you . . . but it USED to be on youtube . . . 


	2. The Youthful Frog Prince

**WARNING: **Well . . . nothing really!

**DISCLAIMER:** I not own Naruto or Sakura or Lee or the Frog Prince :C

**A/N:** I really am super-hugely sorry it's taken me so long to update this - I feel awful. My excuse? "Birthdays Are" and the pressure of following "Snow White Sasuke and the Seven Dwarven Narutos" which everybody loved so much, so I'm sorry! But here it is! And it's Het ta boot 3

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The Youthful Frog Prince

Once upon a time in a land not so far away as you might imagine there lived a Queen. She had many daughters but the youngest was the most beautiful of all.

Even the sun who had seen many things marvelled at the beauty of her silky pink hair and her sparkling emerald eyes. Near the Queen's palace there was he great Konoha forest, and in this forest in the shade of a Cherry Tree was a deep well. When the days were as hot as they could get in Konoha (which was very hot) Princess Sakura would go and sit by the well. She would take with her her favourite Sasuke plushie and play with it all day long.

Now on one occasion as the princess was playing with her Sasuke plushie, she threw it high up into the air, but when her beloved Sasuke came back down it did not fall into her outstretched hand but straight past it into the depths of the well. She followed it with her eyes all the way down, as far as she could, but the well was very deep and so she soon lost sight of it.

The moment she heard the dull splash signifying her beloved Sasuke's final journey, Sakura's eyes filled with tears.

"SASUKEEEEEEE!" she shrieked as though her heart would break.

"What's wrong youthful princess?" cried a somewhat croaky voice from behind her and she turned to see a huge green frog with possibly the googliest eyes in existence.

Smuggling the repulsion she felt at the energetic amphibian, Princess Sakura replied: "I dropped my plushie and it's fallen into the well, and now" she hiccupped slightly "I'll never" she sniffed "Get it back!" and with that she burst into tears once again.

"I can return it to you, my youthful beauty!" the frog replied, seemingly unable to talk in anything other than exclamation marks.

"Oh would you?" Princess Sakura turned on the charm, and the poor frog was trapped instantly "I would give you anything you wanted" she added, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Anything I wanted?" the frog mused.

"Of course! All my pearls, jewels, gowns – even the crown on my head" she promised

"I don't need those things but . . ." he paused in embarrassment and blushed a little "I will retrieve your toy if you will promise to be my girlfriend! I would protect you till the day I died . . ." he trailed off hopefully.

"Ah, of course brave frog" Princess Sakura replied, and batted her lashes again for extra effect.

"Yosh!" the frog called out and he immediately dove into the deep, dark well.

Well, thought Sakura while she waited, of course I can't be his girlfriend. How could he live away from his well? She could run faster than him anyways . . . right?

There was a great splash and the frog appeared, dropping the Sasuke plushie at her feet. This seemed to be Sakura's cue to escape and so she swept up the doll and pelted away from the frog as fast as her legs could carry her, deftly avoiding the kisses being blown after her retreating form.

Soon enough, the princess was safe at home in her cosy palace and she spared not a thought for the poor goggle-eyed frog who had so much desired to be her boyfriend.

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The next evening, as Princess Sakura sat down to dine with her mother and her sisters, she heard an energetic flip-flopping approaching the hall, and an overexcited cry at the door.

The Queen Tsunade ordered Sakura over to open the door and – not wanting to enrage her sake-sodden Queen – she did so. But as she pulled open the door, what did the Princess Sakura behold but the very same energetic and wide-eyed frog who had saved her Sasuke from the well.

Shrieking in horror, the Princess slammed the door in the poor frog's face and returned to her place at the table.

"Who was that?" Queen Tsunade asked, bewildered, as she took another sip of sake. "You look as though one of the Seven Princes of the Mist had come to make you their bride"

"It's almost as bad mother! I dropped my Sasuke in the well yesterday and a great goggle-eyed frog agreed to return it to me if I promised to be his girlfriend."

From outside the door, the frog called out:

"Open the door my cheery blossom,  
Open the door youthful lady  
Remember you swore to be my girlfriend,  
Remember the promise you made me"

"Better let him in then" Tsunade snorted in amusement and further down the table, Ino snickered.

So princess Sakura returned to the door, pulled it wide open and gestured the "youthful" frog into the hall with a grimace.

The frog followed the Princess Sakura back to her seat and after a few seconds, crooned:

"Lift me up my cherry blossom,  
Lift me up sweet lady  
I wish to sit on the lap of girlfriend,  
Remember the promise you made me"

By now even the shy Princess Hinata was smiling in pity at Sakura's new self-proclaimed boyfriend. Sakura couldn't bear to touch the slimy green frog with his slimy eyes and slimy skin, but one look from Queen Tsunade was enough to ensure she did as the frog asked her.

But the frog still wasn't happy with Sakura's rough handling of him and he began to chant again.

"Move your plate closer my cherry blossom,  
Move you plate closer youthful lady,  
Remember you promised to be my girlfriend,  
That was the promise you made me"

Sakura grudgingly did as the frog asked, but while he was happily munching on the Princess's food she herself was unable to take even a bite, for the sight of the frog made her sick. Finally, when the frog had eaten his fill, he said:

"Take me to bed my cherry blossom,  
Take me to bed youthful lady,  
This is the act of a loving girlfriend,  
Remember the promise you made me"

Sakura was about to let loose the full power of her rage – she was absolutely fuming – but one look from Queen Tsunade once again quieted her. Sakura sucked in a deep breath, shuddering as she held the frog by its back legs with two fingers. Slowly, with a look of pure disgust upon her face, Princess Sakura carried the slimy creature all the way up the stairs to her tower room, and dropped it on her little pink bed with its silken sheets.

She sat at her dressing table and began to brush her long pink hair viciously.

The frog, after having inspected the room thoroughly and discovered it to be full of Sasuke merchandise, hopped up onto the dressing table – not noticing Sakura's internal struggles to keep herself from squishing him flat with her heavy silver hairbrush.

"Kiss me my cherry blossom!" he cried and Sakura's hand crashed down on the table in surprise

"No way!" she shrieked and the windows rattled at the sound of her voice.

"Then _I_ will kiss _you_!" he called out and lunged for her, causing the girl to topple backwards off her chair and leap across the other side of the room, putting as much distance between the two of them as possible.

"Never fear, I can reach you from here!" the frog informed her, and began to blow kisses which Sakura reached a whole new level of flexibility in order to avoid. Unfortunately she was not quite flexible enough and one of the little hearts caught her smack on the forehead.

There was a burst of golden light, interjected with pink and green sparkles, and when Sakura drew her hands away from her eyes she noted that that the frog was not only somewhat better looking than he had been a moment ago, but also not quite so small – whereas all the furniture had risen to quite a terrifying size. Sakura blinked heavily and attempted to take a step forwards, but instead she found herself leaping across the room.

A chill of terror ran through her and she made another leap towards the full-length mirror by the window. A small green frog was stood in her place, a tiny golden tiara perched on its head.

"What did you do to me!?" she screeched, but somehow her voice would only allow a high-pitched croak.

"Haha!" the frog smiled widely his teeth sparkling in the remaining golden light "the woman who accepted my kiss was forever destined to be my girlfriend! Oh and eventually me queen" he added as an afterthought.

Sakura ignored the word "girlfriend" and instead fixed her thoughts upon the word "queen"

"And you will be lavished with all the fineries of my kingdom" Sakura's mind wandered even further "and I will protect you with my life" the frog reminded her.

Sakura was thoroughly perked up now "Well why didn't you say you were a king in the first place? Let's go – make me your queen!" and with that she dragged the frog prince from her room.

And so they married to the frog kingdom, where Sakura was loved and cared for, and soon she learned to love the frog king for who he was, not how much money he had. And they lived happily ever after.

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OWARI!


	3. The Swordsman and the Ice Needle

**DISCLAIMER: **Me no owny =C

**WARNING: **Yaoi people! Very very mild - almost only implied, but still there ^.^

**A/N: **I love you all! Sorry it took me so long to update last time, but this time I've been a little better right? Anyways, I'll have more time to update this when I've finished "Birthdays Are . . ." so await the new year with anticipation! 3

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The Princess and the Ice Needle

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Once upon a time there was a beautiful prince who had searched all over for a princess to call his own. But it could not be just any princess; she must be a real princess, and this made the prince's search for a wife all the more difficult – for how could he tell who was a real princess?

Finally, the Queen came up with a brilliant idea: she would place an Ice Needle beneath twenty mattresses and twenty blankets and invite princesses to stay the night on this bed. The princess who could not sleep would be a real princess for she would have such sensitive skin that she would be able to feel the ice needle and its chill even through such thick bedding.

The beautiful Prince Haku agreed that this was an excellent plan and he called for it to be put immediately into action, saying : "Whomsoever can feel the chill of the ice needle will win my hand in marriage, no matter who they be!"

So for days servants were rushing around piling up mattresses and blankets, and generally making the whole structure perfectly stable for the princesses to sleep on.

Each princess came to stay; one by one. They dined with the prince and his family and then retired to bed on the tower of mattresses. In the morning they ate breakfast with the royal family and when asked how they slept they always replied the same way:

"Oh it was a wonderful night your majesties! The tower of mattresses is such an _excellent _idea, we simply _must _try it at out own palace."

Finally after a month of hearing the same answer from every woman who passed through his halls, Prince Haku was ready to take down the mattresses and marry the first woman who threw herself at him.

Before he could give the order, however, a great knocking sound was heard. The doormen immediately opened the door to reveal a huge, muscled man with greyish skin and terrifyingly sharp teeth, currently soaking wet from the raging storm outside. The hall descended into silence and the man remained outside, one eyebrow raised.

"Well?" he said at last "Aintcha gonna invite me in? I'm freezing my arse off out here"

Haku was immediately knocked from his shock at the sound of his visitor's rough voice and crude speech. "Of course. Please come in mister . . ."

"Zabuza. Momochi Zabuza."

"Zabuza-san" Haku smiled gently "how can I help you?"

"Heard someone was lookin' for a Captain of the Guards" he said, gesturing at the huge sword strapped to his back "I'm here to apply for the job" he added, grinning widely and displaying his sharp little teeth.

"Well it is very late, so perhaps you'd like a bed for the night first Zabuza-san?"

"Yeah alright" he said and sneezed loudly

"And a warm bath?" the tall man shrugged "Oni, please find a room for Zabuza-san"

"Anou . . . Prince Haku?" the servant Oni whispered "the only bed we have available is the tower of mattresses, and we haven't time to take it down"

"Just put him in there then" Haku whispered back and smiled again "I hope you'll join us for breakfast Zabuza-san?" he asked the man who was currently dripping all over the priceless rugs in the entrance hall.

Zabuza sniffed "yeah alright I haven't eaten in a while"

Haku smiled politely and Zabuza was led off to his bath and bed.

oooOOOooo

The next morning Haku and his mother the queen were sat quietly at the breakfast table when Zabuza was shown in.

"Good morning Zabuza-san. I hope you slept well?" Haku murmured absentmindedly.

"Not at all!" Zabuza declared and Haku's head jerked upwards in surprise, his chocolate eyes wide. "I was restless the whole night and when I woke up this morning I was bruised all over" Haku exchanged a stunned look with his mother "and no offence meant your majesties, but you shouldn't skimp on the heatin' of all things – that room was freezin! I hate to think how you two shrimps might have been in there"

Haku and his mother said nothing for a while, but then his mother whispered "you did say no matter who they be . . . and he passes the test"

Haku nodded and put his fork down gently. "Zabuza-san?" he murmured and the man raised his head, mouth filled with breakfast meats "I have a somewhat awkward question to ask you . . ."

And so they all lived happily ever after . . . right?

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OWARI!

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